Dear Lola,
A guy I was dating for a few months ghosted me unexpectedly. I have no reason why he did this, we had not been fighting or having any problems that I can think of. We were exclusive though only saw each other a few nights a week. One day out of the blue, he stopped calling and never returned any of my calls or texts. I do not know if he was in another relationship or met someone new, he just vanished into the night. Fast forward a few weeks and I moved to a new job. On my first day I walked into the building's coffee shop and was confronted with my previous boyfriend. He is a barista. I admit that I took extreme pleasure in greeting him warmly as he stammered in embarrassment. He attempted small talk and started making excuses about not seeing each other recently. I laughed and proceeded to order my coffee and then breezed out. When I told my friends that I love stopping in each day to grab a coffee and watch him sputter, some of them said I was being mean. Others said I handled it perfectly because the embarrassment he feels is due to his own actions. Should I allow him to make his excuses once and for all or continue to ignore his attempts?
Sincerely,
Ghosted Girlfriend
Dear Ghosted Girlfriend,
I have to say, I am loving how you have handled this scenario. You not only acted appropriately when confronted by a person who treated you atrociously, but you also defused the tension by placing an order and moving along as if this were any other interaction. Most people would have been hard pressed not to lose their temper and confront someone who ghosted them under such conditions.
You win the grown up trophy of the week!
As for the friends who said your continued daily interactions with Mr. Barista are mean, please disregard them. You have the right to patronize the coffee shop at your workplace. You also have a right to do it without having to converse with their staff about failed relationships. The fact that Mr. Barista continues to try to speak with you about his behavior is massively inappropriate. Surely someone who ghosts women they have dated for months should be better able to manage his secondhand embarrassment when confronted with those same women as they continue to live their normal lives.
Or he should consider changing his name and moving to a new city.
Though if we're being fair, Mr. Barista may find himself running out of cities to move to if he makes this a standard practice when breaking up with partners. He would be much better off if he donned wigs and facial hair that he maintained while dating each person. Then when he's ready to ghost someone, he can simply dye his hair, change the style, and shave his face into a new look. Swapping in new names could also provide him with some cover should he run into anyone from his past.
I think I inadvertently described how a serial killer operates.
Now that will certainly give you something to think about as you fall asleep tonight. Maybe ghosting isn't such a bad thing when you consider the alternatives.
Lola
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