I'm struggling with my weight again. I have a terrible body perception which only applies to myself.
Why? How so?🤷🏼♀️
An odd aspect to this: I rarely notice and seldom care who else is overweight, or who is underweight even. If I see a drastic change in someone, I might only worry what is happening in their lives, if they are well or not well.
Truth is, I felt so much better when I was "down" a few pounds. I still didn't admire my shape or rolls or stretch marks, but I liked the size I was wearing and the feel of clothes on my body.
Realistically, I can't blame anyone else for my hang up, but I can remember remarks made to me by other people, from the time I was a teenager.
"Oh, my, you've put on a little weight!" … and when my face fell, the bitch asked my dad, "Did I say something wrong?" Dad shook his head. It was the afternoon of my mom's funeral, 55 years ago.
Some obese obnoxious guy who worked for the same dry cleaning plant, "Ann, you've put on a few pounds …"
My own stepmother on her wedding day, "You're getting beefy." When I asked her to repeat it, she said the same thing, laughing. I weighed 115 lb.
A family friend giving me a facial, "You'd look even prettier if you were at your ideal weight."
A man friend who had travelled a safe distance away (Connecticut), "Don't wait for me, Ann. You'd have your pick of men if you could lose that weight."
A different man after I'd lost 40 pounds and a marriage, "Your cheeks are still chubby. Is it Weight Watchers tonight?"
Never mind the family friend who has remarked on my weight every single visit for fifty years. One time it was at a gathering for Myrtle's eightieth birthday, before we ordered our dinners at a restaurant. Do you think I wanted more than a glass of water and a toothpick after this friend gasped, "When did you get so heavyyyyy?" (My lame response was that it had sneaked up on me.)
There's more, but you get the idea. Why are people so thoughtless or even cruel?
Why can't I let go and get over stuff? Surely it's time I did.
🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺
Thanks for letting me vent. Back to the garden! It's good exercise and great distraction.
An ordinary Oriental Poppy looks extraordinary.
'Miss Kim' lilac.
Gary says the "upper gardens" are starting to look like Hosta Haven. It's great we like the same perennials!
This guerrilla gardening and the care of a dog or two, the resident cats and the chickens is mostly what I've been up to.
Shelly picked me up yesterday on a rare day off from her work. She has many hours as an administrator at the hospital, and also as a regular RN.
We went to Dunster Store, then the swap shed and to Pete Amyoony's commercial greenhouse. It was a lovely afternoon, of course.
Hope your day is a good one, free of baggage from the past as much as possible.
Love, Ann
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