I have two Santas in my yard and neither of them know how to behave.

This is drunk Santa. Every night He falls flat on his behind drunk, and every evening I have to go help him get up to do his job. So embarrassing, especially around the children.

And mistletoe Santa? Well look what I caught him doing the other day: he popped Mrs. Claus in the face! I called the cops but they refused to take action; they said I was blowing things out of proportion and needed to get my priorities (and his arm) straight.

I did get a family photo idea for my holiday cards, though it needs a few more cats. What do you think?

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