As it's New Year's Day, I am once again participating in the WordPress "Bloganuary" effort. It's basically a way to get bloggers to write more and to get a sense of community and follow each others' blogs. I participated in it last year, and you can find all my January 2022 posts if you look up the Bloganuary tag - starting with this one.
Although I really don't think I need prompts - I always have more than enough to write about - I must confess I really enjoyed last year's Bloganuary, as it encouraged me to think and write about topics that don't always cross my mind very often. And this is a really good prompt to start with, I think.
How am I brave? I am not sure that I am.
Being "brave" means facing up to things one would rather not confront. These are not always physical things. I am not very good in that regard. I am a coward (afraid of heights, flying, cockroaches, and more). But I believe that I can face up to different kinds of challenges, which are often a combination of physical, mental, and emotional.
UMMM... NO! Alex Honnhold climbs El Capitan in Yosemite National Park, alone and without ropes, as featured in the documentary "Free Solo." He has had his brain scanned to find how he reacts to fearful situations differently than most people. (Photo: National Geographic/Jimmy Chin)
I was brave enough to go and identify the body of a loved one (many years ago now). Even now, the horror was so great that I don't know how I even looked. My father was beside me, holding my hand; perhaps that made all the difference. It was a kind of "emotional bravery," if you like.
How else am I brave? Well, I have had to draw on some reserves in the past year, and I have already written about them. These were unexpected calls on me to "be strong" - quite out of the blue. Last February, my husband had a stroke. It crept up on him, and we did not understand what it was at first, until a young doctor told us, almost immediately, that was it. I think my husband was much more brave than I (if disbelieving). It was such a strange experience for us both that we practically sleepwalked through it, supported by many wonderful friends and professionals. I took on the caregiving role almost automatically. I am not sure if I was brave, but I was very practical, got everything done, and watched him get a little better every day. I think I was exhausted most of the time.
A few weeks earlier I had my regular annual mammogram. This led to meetings with doctors, scans, ultrasounds, and more. I had to be brave when I had the biopsies, which were unusually disturbing and painful. Yes, I was quite brave. However, when Dr. Derria Cornwall sat me down and wiped me with rubbing alcohol (yes - it's a Jamaican thing) while saying comforting words and blessings, I didn't feel brave any more. I cried.
A certain amount of bravery was required, too, when I went to my first radiation session after breast cancer surgery. The monstrous machine, sitting in the middle of a large space and yet still dominating it, was a disturbing sight. The slow, deliberate ways in which it moved made it seem almost alive (in fact, one of the technicians was pressing a button outside, to make it move). The clicks and buzzing and whirring sounds were unnerving.
But after the first session, I didn't have to be brave any more. I stared blankly at the same old AC vent on the ceiling while the machine moved around, and that was that. It's amazing what you can get used to. I know many breast cancer survivors who have been much more brave than I, that is for sure.
So, one thing I can say: You can be brave when you need to be. That's it. When people say to you, "Oh - you are so strong!" that is not really quite accurate. When called upon, you can be braver than you might expect. But am I a "strong" person? No stronger than the next woman or man, I am sure.
I suspect that is why soldiers in the heat of battle who do something very courageous are often quite dismissive when presented with a medal and heaped with praise for saving their colleagues' lives, etc. They were brave in the moment.
As JRR Tolkien wrote:
It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit.
I would never, ever be brave enough to do this. Unless someone pushed me out of the plane against my will... (Getty Images)
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