Dear Lola,
I have a severe addiction to fast food that I am trying to overcome in order to be more healthy. Lunch is my hardest meal because I typically eat fried foods that are located near my office. In order to do better, I asked my office manager if I was allowed to bring in a small personal air fryer to make lunches. My manager seemed a bit surprised but said there was no issue with it as long as I unplugged it and stored it in my personal area. I went one better and bought an awesome travel air fryer that packs into my lunch bag so I can take it to and from work each day.
Needless to say, there is always one complainer in the office.
My coworker, let's call him Clark, came in and saw me using the air fryer during my lunch break. He made a lot of noise about how awesome it was and generally had positive things to say about it. He then asked if he could 'get in on that' and use it when he took his lunch breaks. I politely declined because our lunch breaks aren't long enough to clean it so I have to do that when I get home. He protested that he just rinses his out at home and says that I'm being dramatic.
Maybe I am being dramatic, but it is my air fryer and I don't want to share it with the entire office. Clark has now been moaning to everyone that he cannot stand to smell my freshly cooked food while everyone else has to make do with whatever garbage they can microwave. He actually used the word garbage. My boss asked me if I could stop bringing in the air fryer since it is causing problems in the office. While he said he will support me in continuing to bring it to lunch, I can tell he would really like this problem to go away.
What should I do?
Sincerely,
Fried Up Franklin
Dear Fried Up Franklin,
First, let me applaud you on the dramatic decision to give up your beloved fast food. I myself must admit to a bit of an obsession with any meals that come from a paper bag. My favorite involves potatoes, deep-fried until crispy, with just a hint of sea salt on top. My Mommybeast informs me they are French, but I think they have been sent by the heavens for us mere mortals to sample. Do not even get me started on how delicious they are with ketchup.
My Mommybeast had to put me on a diet and it was the longest week of my life.
Let's get back to the problem at hand - your obnoxious coworker Clark and his incessant whining over your lunch choices. Instead of seeing your creativity and matching it, Clark is hoping to mooch off your purchase of personal kitchen equipment. It's ok though, he promises to rinse out his salmon residue with a quick toss of water.
When will this madness end?!
My species has been known to lick the bottoms of feet and even I shuddered at the thought of Clark's mystery meat going into the same pot as your delicious french fries and chicken nuggets. Maybe he sensed you were just making up an excuse to decline his request, but his lack of soap at home leads me to believe his sanitation standards do not match yours.
Food poisoning is not the type of workplace bonding that any manager wants to see.
What really stands out as an accomplishment is that Clark has now singled your lunches out as the reason the entire workplace is eating trash. As if walking to a nearby restaurant is completely foreign to him? Or bringing a delicious cold salad to work? Perhaps a giant sandwich that requires no microwaving?! There are entire portions of society that somehow seem to survive without the existence of a microwave in their lunch room, but not our Dear Old Clark. He needs something better.
Never mind the fact he was fine eating GARBAGE until you brought an air fryer to work.
I think you should continue to bring your air fryer into work. Heck, bring a rice pot and really blow Clarke's mind out of the universe. Your manager said they will support you and being healthy is much more important than humoring Clark. He can purchase his own travel air fryer and bring it in his lunch bag. Clark will likely continue to moan about your delicious lunches, but that is not your problem. Someone will eventually get sick of his complaints and tell him to shut it.
You can always make a batch of communal fries to ensure that your coworkers are on your side.
I wanted to end my letter on that last perfect sentence but my belly protested. It wanted me to let you know that if you haven't tried it yet, hot dogs are delicious when put in an air fryer. Not to mention it's another food that pairs exceptionally well with ketchup!
Now, I'm off to badger my humans into giving me a snack.
Lola
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