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MAKING MY PEACE … with the tipping point between reflecting and over-thinking

Pause or spiral? Reflect or reflect too much …

Mar 24

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Reflection can be a powerful tool for personal growth. But sometimes, that quiet reflection about a specific situation or problem – when we reflect and reflect and reflect – becomes over-thinking and over-analysing. It becomes a mental spiral that leaves us drained rather than enlightened.

What is the difference between reflection and over-thinking – and when is the subtle tipping point when reflection tips into over-thinking? And how can we keep our thoughts from becoming tangled knots instead of clear insights?

Reflection is a deliberate, calm process of thinking through an experience, feeling, or situation. It’s asking:

-What happened?

-How did I feel about it?

-What did I learn?

-What might I do differently next time?

Reflection usually brings clarity, a sense of acceptance, and perhaps even peace. Reflection is not about judgment. It’s about understanding the situation and our reaction to it.

Over-thinking and over-analysing is when thinking becomes stuck.

It’s:

-Replaying events repeatedly.

-Searching for hidden meanings or signs that may not exist.

-Blaming yourself or others excessively.

-Imagining endless “what if” scenarios.

-Feeling more anxious the longer you think.

Instead of clarity, over-analysing leaves us feeling exhausted and often more confused.

We over-analyse due to perfectionism, fear, and uncertainty. Perfectionism is the desire to get everything right. Fear is worrying about consequences or judgements, and uncertainty is when we lack closure – our minds fill in the blanks, sometimes obsessively.

Defining the tipping point: The line between reflection and over-thinking is often blurry because they both stem from a desire to understand. The tipping point, though, occurs when thinking stops being constructive and begins to create anxiety, worry, or self-doubt.

Some signs that the line between reflection and over-thinking has been crossed:

-You’re asking the same questions repeatedly without finding answers – known as the circular argument, or going around in circles.

-You feel more agitated or worried the longer you think.

-You feel more confused the longer you think instead of gaining more clarity.

-Your thoughts go from understanding what happened to trying to control every possible outcome.

-Instead of closure, you feel mentally stuck.

The difficulty lies in the fact that each of us has different thresholds – different tipping points. What might be helpful reflection for one person could feel like over-thinking for another. Timing, emotional state, and even fatigue can push us toward over-analysing without realizing it.

What to do if you think you’ve crossed the tipping point:

-Check your energy: Do you feel calmer or more anxious?

-Notice repetition: Are you looping over the same thought?

-Sense your body: Do you feel tight, restless, or uncomfortable?

-Ask yourself: Am I searching for insight, or am I stuck in fear?

Then:

-Set mental boundaries: Decide when to stop thinking and start doing.

-Talk to someone: Sometimes saying it aloud shows you when it’s too much.

-Shift focus: Change your environment or engage in a simple task.

-Remind yourself: Not every question has an answer.

Making my peace with reflection and over-analysing, I do the following:

-Ask whether I feel peaceful - if so, I am reflecting.

-Ask whether I feel worried - if so, I am over-thinking and over-analysing.

-Ask whether my thoughts are helping me work out the problem – if not, do one or more of the following:

-Give myself 10-15 minutes to reflect then move on.

-Write out my thoughts in a journal to help structure them into positive, negative, and ‘interesting’ categories to prevent circular arguments – which might lead to solutions and actions.

-Know that not everything needs a solution – some things just need realization and acceptance.

-Be physical – a walk, run, exercise, or any physical movement interrupts mental circular loops and over-thinking.

-Take a walk outside in nature to clear my mind.